My depression-let me show you it

As much as I try to make light of it, sometimes depression likes to jump up and show me who's boss. I have been on and off medication for depression since I was 18. I hate taking it. I realize that, for me, depression is a chemical imbalance in my brain and taking medication to correct it is no different than taking insulin if I was diabetic, but I still hate it. Because it is my brain, and who am I if not my brain? If I alter my brain, am I truly myself? Granted, being myself won't do me much good if I'm in a fetal position somewhere, but still. 

Every so often, I try to wean myself off. I am surprised by the quickness of my thoughts at those times. I am also surprised by the amount of anger I feel. Within a few days, I am crying on the couch, feeling like crap because I actually do need those damn pills. 

Still, I can't help wondering what happens to all that anger if I just never allow myself to feel it? What else is down there, tucked away under all that medical cotton batting?

Awesome Blog Alert

The universe smiled upon my weepy, PMS-ing self today and led me to the Cake Wrecks blog. All the cakes on this blog were from professional bakeries. 'Nuff said. Go now. 

Bittersweet

I took the kids to see Journey to the Center of the Earth-3D! today. The kids never fail to surprise me. I expected Ella to be kinda freaked out, but no. She was asking LOUDLY, "When do the dinosaurs come out?!" and flailing her arms around trying to catch everything that "popped" at her. Finn was scared a lot and actually cried at one point (out of sadness, not fear). I just never know. 

I can really feel them growing up now. They still need me, of course, but it's much less. There are times they prefer the company of their friends or just to be alone. I try to feel good about that, try to remember that it is our strong bond that helps them to feel safe going out into the world. Even as I am thrilled by their new accomplishments and interests and abilities, there are days when I miss my babies.