Wednesday, August 13, 2008

My depression-let me show you it

As much as I try to make light of it, sometimes depression likes to jump up and show me who's boss. I have been on and off medication for depression since I was 18. I hate taking it. I realize that, for me, depression is a chemical imbalance in my brain and taking medication to correct it is no different than taking insulin if I was diabetic, but I still hate it. Because it is my brain, and who am I if not my brain? If I alter my brain, am I truly myself? Granted, being myself won't do me much good if I'm in a fetal position somewhere, but still. 

Every so often, I try to wean myself off. I am surprised by the quickness of my thoughts at those times. I am also surprised by the amount of anger I feel. Within a few days, I am crying on the couch, feeling like crap because I actually do need those damn pills. 

Still, I can't help wondering what happens to all that anger if I just never allow myself to feel it? What else is down there, tucked away under all that medical cotton batting?

5 Comments:

Blogger Gaea said...

: )

August 15, 2008 at 1:33 PM  
Blogger Libby said...

I know. Me too.

September 7, 2008 at 12:08 AM  
Blogger Lorelei said...

ok
time to move on party people.
put a smile on those faces and
let's blog about something happier!
ready!?

go.

p.s. thanks for buying some earrings from me. Lets see some pics of them on that pretty head of yours! :)

September 10, 2008 at 7:33 AM  
Blogger Gaea said...

Feed me!

September 18, 2008 at 8:51 PM  
Blogger Lorelei said...

hellllooooooooooo


hello



hellooooo


hellooooooooo??
just an echo gaea. Nothin.
Come back, come on don't leave me come back!!
Picture the kid with this tongue stuck to the flag pole in A Christmas Story..

October 14, 2008 at 5:22 PM  

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