My depression-let me show you it

As much as I try to make light of it, sometimes depression likes to jump up and show me who's boss. I have been on and off medication for depression since I was 18. I hate taking it. I realize that, for me, depression is a chemical imbalance in my brain and taking medication to correct it is no different than taking insulin if I was diabetic, but I still hate it. Because it is my brain, and who am I if not my brain? If I alter my brain, am I truly myself? Granted, being myself won't do me much good if I'm in a fetal position somewhere, but still. 

Every so often, I try to wean myself off. I am surprised by the quickness of my thoughts at those times. I am also surprised by the amount of anger I feel. Within a few days, I am crying on the couch, feeling like crap because I actually do need those damn pills. 

Still, I can't help wondering what happens to all that anger if I just never allow myself to feel it? What else is down there, tucked away under all that medical cotton batting?