Sunday, May 18, 2008

sick and tired of feeling sick and tired

So, two weeks later, I still have a sore throat, earaches and fatigue that just won't quit. I'm hearing whispers of "mono," but I am ignoring them. And I just hate the idea of writing anything. I am sick of the sound of my own voice in my head. 
I feel like I need to make a change. I have been so wrapped up in the idea of finishing school and getting a degree so I can teach, but I am wondering if I even really want that or am I using this outdated goal as a way to procrastinate? There really doesn't need to be a question mark after that sentence, because that's exactly what I'm doing. So, how to change? What do I really want to do? I just don't know anymore. 
I feel like I have something to contribute, but I don't know how to find it. My creative well is pretty low. I guess coming off a long illness isn't maybe the ideal time to decide my life's purpose. But I think I am ready to let go of the "good girl" goal of college and teaching for now and see what else I might like to do. 
I realized that when I think of things I could maybe do, I instantly blow off writing. In my mind, it's like me saying I want to be a rock star. Why?


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