Sometimes I am startled by how crazy I am about my kids. I worry that I am squandering this time with them, wishing for time to myself. I wish I knew how to find that balance between time to be and restore myself and time to devote myself wholeheartedly to them. I find that because there is so little time for me, I feel as if I am always pushing them away. The end result is I never really get a break and they get a very worn out Mama a lot of the time. But I am starting to think that what is really wearing me out is constantly resisting my life as it is. When I stop trying to get away, I see my life as a different place. It reminds me of Spiderwick or Arthur and the Invisibles. All these wonders just waiting for me to see them .